This morning I woke up in my bed for the last time and felt the empty space that my cat's psyche occupied. You're on your own now, kid. A stillness grows in me. Grey. Like calm waters in the twilight of dawn; where the occassional dew drop creates a soft ripple against the currentless body as it returns to the source.
Staying present as often as I can remind myself - there are still the occassional glaces into the coming months... the potentials for joy and calamity that tempt me toward participation. Inner calm is the pillar to hold fast to and perhaps the guage of how I may test myself along the way - in either times of perceived festivity or advesity.
The past three days are a whirlwind. Have had minimal sleep yet am getting much done as the clock ticks down to zero. Four days left in the aparment, eleven days left in the city, and fourteen days in the state. The cat, snake, and record player all have new homes. Saw my folks and visited with friends. Still much to do.
I've quit smoking pot and have taken a 90 day vow of celibacy, by direction of Spirit. As a self proclaimed "spiritual entheogenist" it was a difficult leap for my ego-identity with the holy herb. An addiction had grown out of depression born from stagnation in my life, particularly in my spiritual life. Craving is a form of avidya and would be a liability on the road. Once the agreement was reached, this is all it took. I have comforted my human-ness by telling her that this is today and that these decisions do not indicate rigidity throughout the rest of my life - though I feel that any return to meditations with sacrament should be done without putting smoke into the lungs on a regular basis.
Thank you, sponsors:
Esther Groves - monetary
Mathew Patterson - monetary
Timothy Burke - monetary
Cynthia Hall - monetary
Josh Griswald - monetary
Joshua Wilson - supplies
Brenda Enders - supplies
Andi - for the sigils
Mom - for the heart necklace
Thank you to Wheelz and Mat for taking my pets
and to all my friends - for encouragement, patience, and love
To support my journey, please donate to my paypal account. All donations are received with gratitude and will be put to use in outfitting myself for this quest as well as for emergency funds on the road. Itinerary and blog are in the works. Will post about them soon.
compact and half-way decent digital camera for documenting the journey
bivi-sac for sleeping bag (bivi is waterproof)
two or three "stuff-sacks" for making my items as compact as possible
Om namah Shakit Ma, Shivaya.